rough daze

unfollow

negativity. never fun. there are always those people in your life that always seem to look at the down side, be negative, and drag everyone else around them down. it doesn’t make you feel good or happy when you’re with them, because they’re being negative. they usually don’t have that many friends because their negativity… Read More unfollow

rough daze

get numb

get numb. that’s all i can do now. not get numb to the pain. that can’t happen. it’s so excruciating that it keeps me up. but not enough to knock me out. it’s put me on the brink of insanity. so all i can do is get numb to FEELING the pain. sometimes i can’t… Read More get numb

rough daze

how are you doing?

i get asked this question a dozen times a week at least. it might not be in those words exactly, or maybe not even in words at all- but i am expected to answer every time. how am i doing? short, simple, superficial answers i often use: “i’m doing ok… i guess.” “day by day… Read More how are you doing?

rough daze

just need to talk

emotions. got lots of them. opinions. have too many. feelings. they’re way too fragile. confidence. running too low. strength. getting too weak. discipline. becoming too lazy. i just need to get something off my chest and i don’t even know what. i want to write. but i have no idea what to say. my brain… Read More just need to talk

rough daze

i’m forgettable

people don’t reach out. my ex responds to my ‘happy birthday’ and ‘merry christmas’ texts like i’m a stranger. my peers are distant and detached when i see them. i guess i’m forgettable. unlike lauren akins is to thomas rhett… unforgettable. 09/13/2018  

rough daze

human guilt

hi. my name is trinity. i am your a-typical, first-child, over-achieving, very competitive, high-stresser. and i do it all to myself. i have set unrealistically high standards for myself that i, a mere human, cannot meet. i have repeatedly let myself down, disappointed myself, gotten mad at myself, etc. i didn’t mention that i also… Read More human guilt

rough daze

weakness

some people’s’ weakness is having a hard heart. being numb to all sympathy and grace. being so unaffected by things that others might call them heartless. my weakness is quite the opposite. i have the softest heart. i encourage others and find bible verses and devotions about standing your ground, not letting people’s’ words get… Read More weakness

rough daze

this mess: now vs then

whatever mess you’re in right now, is what will tear you down the easiest. once you’ve gotten through all the obstacles and made it to the other side, you look back with a feeling of triumph. hind-sight being 20/20, with all the puzzles pieces being put together, you look at specific moments and see the… Read More this mess: now vs then

rough daze

judgement? yuppie

‘you never know unless you try.’ ‘you don’t know if you don’t ask.’ words my parents live by. i think that’s part of why my parents have been pushing me lately to pull the ‘i have extenuating circumstances’ card lately. yes, i have a chronic migraine and other health issues. but other people have issues… Read More judgement? yuppie

rough daze

hurt no more?

I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HOW IT’LL BE OK. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR HOW IT WILL EVENTUALLY COME TO AN END. I WANT TO HEAR ‘CHILD, I WILL HEAL YOU.’ I WANT TO HEAR ‘TRINITY, STAND UP, RISE, AND HURT NO MORE.’ I WANT TO FEEL NO PAIN OR STRESS. GOD! do you hear… Read More hurt no more?

rough daze

angelic voice

you know when you cry really hard and you can’t catch your breath and your chin vibrates and your head pounds and your mouth is open but no sound is coming out? i’m calling that my angelic voice. it’s a pitch so high i can’t hear it as a human. well, angels. i’m calling out… Read More angelic voice

rough daze

stop it

stop it, stop it, stop it. young kids when they get in trouble and get spanked: ‘stop it, stop it, stop it.’ screaming, yelling, petrified, and horrified. they want it to stop. stop it, stop it, stop it. it’s all i have breath to say anymore. God, stop it, stop it, stop it. i can’t… Read More stop it

rough daze

push through

‘push trough.’ the absolute last thing we want to hear when someone says it. no. i don’t want to push through. i want to go to sleep in my bed. i don’t feel good. i don’t feel like it. when and how are we supposed to know the fine, fine, fine line of: (1) we… Read More push through